The best part of starting from the bottom (personally) is that you can only build up. In the previous years, when I was married, I d u m b e d myself down. I had no goals, no direction. I couldn't even hold intelligent conversations with anyone around me. Oh wait, I really had no one around me at all. I had literally hibernated from the world. I was quite alone. I ended up changing my life & taking an alternate direction in hopes of saving myself. Along the way, I acquired a wonderful partner in crime who made me realize that I had the ability to fulfill my utmost potential. I couldn't even lie to him either. We were both in the military together. He obviously had spent a lot of time with me performing to the fullest. He had seen the side of me that was fully alive.
Today, I got angry. Someone in my life (who will go unnamed) had once again disappointed me and hindered my ability to do certain things. Their bitterness with me is a direct reflection of their failure in taking responsibility in their choices. They took it out on me and I got angry. I felt defeated and exhausted. It was like speaking to a brick wall.
While having my head in my hands, I just let it all go. I cannot control other people but I can continue to better myself in order to take care of myself. In the state I am at right now, sometimes certain peoples actions do have a direct affect in my life. If I continue to better myself, I'll get to a point where it doesn't matter if someone doesn't hold their end of the bargain. I'll be good without their false promises in my life.
I know what I'm speaking about is quite vague. Let's just say that I'm speaking about a person who I will never be able to shake from my life because we share a common denominator. I'm sure I've said too much already. I plan to keep most of that part of my life out of this blog for the sake of someone I love.
Anyway, back to personal growth. I feel like I've changed a lot over the past two years. I can personally feel the strength I have remaining inside of me and I'm excited about that. All I have to do is keep taking steps forward. This summer, I will finally be able to enroll in school. I'm not sure what direction I want to be heading but the fact that I'm putting my foot in there feels great. I feel like such an adult lately.
I haven't found a car yet so I'm continuing to walk to work, the grocery store and every where else. Crossing my fingers it happens quite soon because there is nothing like walking 2 miles to work at 5 in the morning because you don't have a ride. I'm also in progress in finally finishing my divorce. That is relieving. While I thought I wanted to keep my last name, for the sake of my child, I'm going back to my maiden name. I need it to keep my individuality and separation from my ex. Even though I don't feel like the same person as I did and my maiden name seems foreign, I'm just going to go through the annoying process of getting it back.
As for my career, I'm hoping to find something wonderful for me in the near future. A job where I can progress. I'm also hoping to open up my social circle so much more now that a car is almost in my grasp.
If this were years back, you'd find a complaining little girl speaking to you. Now, you're reading the words of a woman who has taken responsibility for her choices & accepts her reality. I cannot wait to see the woman you speak to next year. Someone even more driven who has accomplish a lot more goals than she has now.
So, I just wanted to update you guys to let you know that I'm growing even more as a person. Damn, it feels great!
Hello from the past, future lady. You have been so strong and I'm so proud of you! Thank you for making me a better person ;)
PS. I am Instagram again if you feel like following along.