I wanted to punch him. We were arguing over what we were going to do if we won the Powerball. I immediately wanted to go on vacation and relax and he wanted to leave this "hell hole" (he means Texas) and move to Washington immediately to find a home. 

"Um, if we had 600 million dollars, we would be living in San Francisco. Where we wanted to live." I said.

"Why wouldn't we stay in Seattle?" He asked.

"Because Seattle was just the middle ground we came up with because we can't afford to live in San Francisco in the first place!"

"Blah blah blah. Blah Blah Blah Blah" <--- Whatever we said over the next few minutes. I can't remember for the life of me. 

"And in 5 minutes, that would be how we break up." He grouched.

There is a problem with this scenario though. Powerball had already been announced and we had been arguing over fake money we knew we already didn't win. I just wanted to tell him to F*CK OFF!!!!! but I didn't. I just told him he was being dumb and went on my way. We were so annoyed with each other that we slept in separate rooms.

The next morning, I went to work. Gave them both a kiss on the forehead before I left. Work was bleh. Tuesdays are my favorite work days because I get off early. This was the Tuesday after the Monroe tornadoes so we were expecting a storm. It was time for me to get off so I called Mike to see if we needed anything for dinner. He answered the phone out of breath.

When I asked him if I should get anything to take home, he said, "How can you talk so calm when it's crazy outside."

I walked towards the front door and couldn't see anything but gray. It was raining so hard that you couldn't even see the cars in the parking lot. I heard Mike then say, " OH MY GOD! The roof is coming off!!" I didn't hear anything for a few more seconds. My mind was quite jumbled. What the hell was going on over there? I asked if they were alright and he said they were fine & to JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE!

All I could piece together in my head was that it was storming really bad outside, there might a tornado coming, my boys were safe in some building & I needed to stay at work because it was too scary to drive.

I walked with a co-worked towards the fitting rooms. The lights went out. Children were screaming and crying but I knew that, even though I was off the clock, I had to go get a flashlight. My heart was racing because it had never been so black in the store before & I was quite scared. I just wanted to go home with my boys. If I was going to die today, I didn't want to be two miles away from them when it happened.

The lights quickly came back on and I walked quickly to the front door to wait for my chance to leave. The rain had softened. By softened I mean that I could use the fastest windshield wiper setting & drive. I ran out the store and headed home. The roads were starting to flood which isn't good for my little car. By the time I got to our major intersection, the lights were out and there were trees all over the road. It was chaos as people were trying to get home.

When I finally got home, Mike told me what had happened. He had walked outside to view the clouds & noticed they looked a bit funny. Then, all of a sudden, it started raining really hard. The apartment started shaking so they went into the bathtub with a blanket. My son looked at Michael and said, "I'm scared." That's when Mike noticed the toilet water swishing and thought LETS GET THE F*CK OUT OF HERE! (Did I mention we lived on the top floor of our apartment building?)

He pulled Xavier out of the tub, wrapped him in a blanket and ran outside & down the stairs. It was storming so hard he couldn't see that great but he saw shingles flying off the roof & trees getting blown all over the place. Did I mention that he forgot to lock the door and didn't even put on shoes? He just jetted it out of that place and headed towards the office. The ladies let him and Xavier in and they watched the news and hoped that I would be okay. All while I was frantically trying to get home. I didn't want anything to happen to my boys & I knew they were both scared. I even prepared my mind mentally to literally go in to hulk mode if a tornado picked up my car and slammed it to the ground. Hulk mode guys. Like I was some super human.

JUST STAY ALIVE, I kept telling myself.

I'm so glad I got home in time because it started to rain crazy once again outside. We spent 45 minutes in that office until the rain FINALLY died down. When we got the chance to return home, we snuggled up in silence in our own apartment. All I could do was reflect on how much my family meant to me. How much I truly loved them. How devastated I was for the people of Monroe. Those poor people lost everything. And Mike and I both ended up agreeing how very stupid that argument was over theoretical Powerball money.

10 Steps to Breeding & Raising Adorable Spawns


I like to think that I am the master of breeding adorable children. Sure, I've only tested this method once but it has been proven to work!! However, I do not guarantee these results (as the method has only had one success so far) so I hold no responsibility for your outcome. 

Steps To Breeding And Raising An Adorable Spawn

STEP ONE: Want a child. This is the most important of all the steps. If you do not start out desiring a child at that moment you make this decision, your emotions might conflict with the breeding process. If you are not ready for your heart to be walking outside of your body for 18+ years, I strongly advise using some sort of protection.

STEP TWO: Choose a donor. Donor does not even need to have a face. Make sure donor provides qualities that would enhance the ones you are providing as well. The spawnling MUST be adorable. If Donor is an apparent asshole, please NOTE that the possibility for your child to be half asshole is pretty high. Please study the donor very carefully. Minimum time spent on this part of the project should be no less than 6 months.  (Those that are using donor banks are excluded from the time process minimum.) Make sure your investigation is incredibly thorough.

STEP THREE: Engage in sexual activities with chosen spawn donor or insert turkey baster. As a divorced woman, this is quite uncomfortable for me to recap but it's an important step. It needs no explanation.

STEP FOUR: Have a happy pregnancy & BE EXCITED. This is also a crucial step to the beginning of this process. Your little spawn will feel the energy you are feeling. If you are stressed, they will be stressed. If you are happy, THEY will be happy. Feed your baby delicious, nutritious food. Studies have shown that what you eat while baby is in the womb probably directly reflect their eating habits outside of the womb. Put away those potato chips!

STEP FIVE: After the child's birth, provide annoying amounts of love to the child. Don't kiss the child until they can't breath! Don't be psycho! At least let them gasp for air!!! Throw in some hugs while you're at it. Make sure that child KNOWS how much you love them. Your actions & words make the biggest impact on your children. I thoroughly believe how children act is a direct reflection of how you raise them & what kind of environment they are in.

STEP SIX: It's time to get that baby genius started early. HELLO! If people in other countries get their children playing the piano by the age of three, we have no excuse. Sure, let them be children to some extent but do you know that between the ages of 0-7, their brains are like a SPONGE? Did you see that family who home schooled & their children were in college by 12? At first you might think...ain't nobody got time fo dat! But damn! The sooner they are to getting a degree, the sooner you can stop paying for them & MAYBE they can pay for you! Shoot. That is motivation enough for me! Baby books? Let's try Encyclopedias instead.

STEP SEVEN: Culture your child. There is nothing adorable about a child eating chicken tenders. All children like chicken tenders. But a child that eats sushi? That's adorable. That's cool, your baby knows a few words in Spanish thanks to Dora? My child can point out Spain on a map. You see where I'm getting with this? Pull your child outside of the box. Don't just teach them kiddie things. Help them realize how big and awesome the world can be! I mean, if they ask legitimate whats and whys, you answer them to the best of your ability!

STEP EIGHT: Be hard working & respectful. What the hell does this have to do with having an adorable child?! I will tell you. You don't want a spoiled brat! You know those kids that start screaming in the store & the mom keeps shopping? Woman! Toys are not a necessity! Get your damn child out of this section. What the hell are you shopping for while your child is screaming his lungs off? Throw that kid over your shoulder, walk straight out that door & back into your car. You let that spawn know that they can't be actin' a fool in public because they can't get their way. It's disrespectful. You know what you just did? You led by example. Be hardworking? Yes. Get off your ass & do something. Don't be a complainer, be a doer. You are your child's original role model. Would you rather him complain or just do? Or ask for help? Your choice, your offspring. But if you want that baby to be adorable, nothing's more impressive than seeing a child clean up after its own mess. Right?

STEP NINE: Bleep this. By now, your child should be adorable, loving, cultured and responsible. You don't need another step. You should already have a cute freaking child. I'm sure you've already taken thousands of pictures as proof because you're so damn impressed with your results. But if you must have the tenth step...

STEP TEN:  Lather, rinse and repeat. Make sure you bathe because all this hard work will make you sweat. It's not easy to raise a cute kid. You had to put some effort into this! Pat yourself on the bath and let Calgon take you away.

I know I missed a few steps that probably could have been added but dang! I can only give you 10! I'm not your mama! I ain't about to give you ALL of my secrets!

This was actually suppose to be Day 2 of the Blog Every Day in May but I'm just going to have to make it for Day 6. So here is my What I Do entry. I breed beautiful kids. Yes, kids. I know these steps will help my next child. Whenever that may be.

My Life in 250 Words


I was born in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, long ago in the 80's, the eldest of three. Born of Mexican-Hungarian-Straight European decent. My parents divorced when I was young. I took responsibility for my siblings on the daily basis, which explains why I felt so old but was so young. My aunt use to say I was a 40 year old stuck in a 15 year old's body. Old soul. I loved (still love) learning. Had a college reading level by 5th grade. Reading & writing were always my niche. In high school, band, color guard, Model UN & learning dual languages were my focus. I graduated & went to the Army. My best friend died a few days before I came home from basic. I found out when I got off the plane. Stayed in the Army for 6 years & got out for religious reasons. I am ironically now an atheist. I married, had a child, divorced. Lived in Alaska & I fell in love with that area. Started blogging & taking photography a bit more seriously. Moved back to Texas at some point. Should've gone to school but it's never too late for that. Got my license last year & now own my first car :) I'm currently trying to rediscover myself and provide a better life for my family (me, my boyfriend & my wonderful son). Starting over at a later age has been quite hard but a worthwhile journey. I feel so empowered and thankful. BAZINGA!

I really don't like link-up's because I find most of them cheesy and a waste of time & space on my blog. However, I do like Jenni's particular link up so, every day in May, I'll be writing a post & joining up. Want to join?

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